I have an essay written, however I have feedback written on it from my tutor. I would like it to be improved and added the suggestions provided by the tutor.
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Your work has minimal references so that just makes it descriptive, in the reference list you do refer to the Ou materials but in a generic way and there is very little evidence of them in the actual material, You in addition to the learning guides also could use information from the chapters in the reader to reference your work. Also the information you have found yourself needs highlighting in the reference list
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You do appear to have integrated part 1 & 2 which is fine, but the discussion relating to practice is quite superficial because you havent provided any clear examples from the OU learning guides nor have you referenced the information you have provided, I have made some comments on the text to show what could be includes. Below is an extract from the EMA guidelines clearly explaining what is needed.
For the second question, there is a lot of module material available in which different kinds of work with children, young people and their families are identified, examined, analysed and commented on. As you select what you want to use, you will need to make sure that you include discussion of both the work of specific practitioners and some discussion of the strategies, approaches and programmes they work with. Try to avoid simply repeating descriptions of practitioners’ roles or programmes / projects. You need to explain how and why these different kinds of work are likely (or not) to mean that children and young people have a more positive experience of being young.
So, for example, you heard from a safeguarding team, a domestic abuse worker and social workers in Learning Guide 3, from a play worker in Learning Guide 4, from teachers and a SENCO (Special Educational Needs Coordinator) in Learning Guide 4, and from youth workers in Learning Guide 5. There was also discussion of lots of different programmes of work with children and young people in the module that you may wish to use, for example, the different kinds of work being done in Torfaen (which was used at several points in the module). There is also the work with families in family group decision-making in Learning Guide 3, the work to address homophobic bullying in schools in Learning Guide 4, or work with a parenting programme or with a deprived community in Learning Guide 6. There are others that would be equally valid to use. Your own reading / research could provide more good examples of work with children, young people and families for use in your EMA.
Your discussion of the different kinds of work that is done with children, young people and their families should include discussion of the differing views and perspectives of those receiving support and services, as well as those working in these services.
It will also be good to see key concepts taught in the module being used by you in your EMA (such as resilience, plurality, intersectionality, privilege, social and cultural capital, meritocracy, or social mobility). See Learning Guide 8 for a revision activity of key module ideas and concepts.