I have already wrote the paper, however, several corrections should be made based on the feedback from the Mentor:
1 – The title is quite clear. It is ok for a working title, but for the final title I would edit it, making it more concise.
2 – As for the research problem itself, there is an extensive body of research in between that show that a poor culture has measurable effects also on financial outcomes. You could delve more into the intricacies of the MLM model in that regard, why it is special in that regard, why there is less research than in other sectors – in order to establish the research gap.
For that you could get a bit deeper into specific scientific literature. These are ideally peer reviewed journals or books of such authors, and also more recent than currently (2021 is great, 2015 is ok, 1982 is only relevant if it is a classic, like from Peter Drucker).
3 – Also please avoid non scientific sources as far as possible (e.g. Forbes).
4 – I would also encourage you to go one step back and first formulate research questions instead of statements, boiling it down to the guiding research question that will lead you as the golden thread through the whole process of writing your thesis.
5 – From my experience, it is extremely important and valuable to invest in the beginning in setting the research agenda and methodology up in the best possible way, because then afterwards the “rest” will be so much easier.
6 – Speaking about the methodology, I like your mixed method approach. You could explain if you wanted to start with the interviews, developing hypotheses, that then can be tested by the quantitative survey. Or do you want to do it the other way around? It would be great also if you could give some more detail about your empirical plans. And I advise to search also for theory of the research methods you want to apply.
7 – Last, but not least you could state clearer the expected outcome of your research and you could – since you are so advanced – already develop an outline of your thesis.
PLEASE MAKE THE CORRECTIONS IN THE FILE WITH DIFFERENT COLOUR (SO I CAN SEE WHAT WAS CHANGED)