I have written my extended essay and got the feedback from my teacher and now need to adjust it to the assessment criteria to make it perfect. I have to fit into every requirement, starting from the general structure, down to the line spacing, footnotes, sources etc. I will attach the feedback and adjustments that she told me i need and I will attach the Extended Essay structure and all the boxes have to be ticket out. I am missing th methodology part, alongside with some other parts so please make sure you meet all of them for me to achieve a grade A. I will also attach the English B IB requirement that is specific to my subject so check that too please. Make sure its good quality. I ATTACHED THE PICTURES OF FORMAT YOU HAVE TO FOLLOW AND THE FILE OF MY ESSAY THAT YOU HAVE TO EDIT.Here is the written feedback by Miss: Feedback from Miss:
General:
- Check your introduction – does it contain the necessary information? This is where you will gain your marks for Criteria A.
- Add page numbers to each page
- Restructure using chapters and subchapters – this will make it easier to follow
- Check your footnotes
- Ensure you have a wide range of sources on each page – don’t rely on one or two. If you want good marks for Criteria B, youmust ensure your ‘conclusions to individual points of analysis are effectively supported by the evidence’.
- Based on what | have said above, use a PEEL structure (point, evidence, explain, link). Make sure each paragprah has a clear point.
- Check your paragraphing – some are very short. Does each paragraph have a clear point?
- Ensure your conclusion is detailed enough and summarises the points you have made throughout your essay. I would considersummarising how effective IR was for both men.
- In your reflections, consider the limitations of your RQ. Was WH the right person to look at? Do ‘how’ words tend to lead to more descriptive essays?
I would consider using chapters and subchapters to help structure your essay - Make sure you focus on your RQ that is “HOW” and not “WHY”.
- You can also change the question – add something to do with effectiveness – “How they do it and how effective was it?” Because what you do for the most part of the essay now is analyse ‘why’ and not how. BUT you can also just KEEP the question, analyse both speeches more cause ‘How’ and ‘why’ is different, and then Condense together the reasons ‘why’ they use rhetoric and the ‘impact’ of it into one chapter so that it doesn’t seem like im missing out the point of the question and to reduce it cause its no the focus part.
- Isn’t enough research on the impact so better to research the impact of the effect of the rhetoric they used
- In my reflection – limitation is that Hague is not a leader (so dont say he’s a prominent leader)
- so I can’t really evaluate his success
- Be more analytical in the speeches.
- Write out the Methodology – how am I gonna find reliable sources.
- Write why is my question worth investigating? (Check EE formatting attachment). Keep the structure of your EE simple. If you stick with your current question of ‘how do they use IR to influence..’- I would structure the main chapters as follows:
- Background Information on speech
- Analysis of speech – just analyse how IR is used not why it’s used or the impact.
- Impact of IR on voters – this is where you explore how their speeches impacted voters and why
If you want to focus more on ‘how successful were they at using IR to influence…’, do more research. Then your essay can include some analysis of the speeches but would focus more heavily on the impact that these speeches had on voters and different groups of people (subcultures). Your ‘impact’ chapter/subchapter would therefore be more detailed.
Table of contents:
- in the chapter “Reasons for using Rhetoric” – think about how you’ve divided your essay up. How much do these chapters actually answer your RQ? Consider focusing more on the analysis of the speeches and then Howe this impacted voter behavior. You dont need to go into lots of detail about the reasons the IR was used, unless youre linking this into the ‘impact’
Intro:
- was Hague the ‘prominent leader?” It may be worth reflecting on your choice of speech/ political leader and showing you’re aware of the limitations of your choice.
- Why is your RQ worthwhile of being investigated? What sources have you used and why? Reflect on this, e.g. are your sources reliable? Do they offer diverse evaluative approaches?
Body:
- When you start introducing the rhetoric, you need to say what are they trying to achieve by employing language that enhances social cohesion? More voters? Remember to link everything back to your question
- More analysis of the speeches, especially the Hague’s one. Your RQ is about isn’t about WHY they use it, it’s about HOW.
- EE English B: Category 2: culture and societyA: essays of a sociocultural nature with an impact on the languageB: essays of a general cultural nature based on specific cultural artifactsExample questions: How has the globalization of social media like Twitter affected the increased usage of political language among students in two international schools in the Middle East?To what extent are Japanese advertisers perpetuating traditional views of women’s roles in Japanese society?