Please, help me to rewrite this essay (attached file “Research Essay-2.docx”) according to my professor’s comments and the assignment guidelines for the better grade (it’s 80% right now).
My Prof’s comments:
You have some good work here, and you engage with sources in a compelling way that offers good insight into your topic. I’m not sure exactly why you organized and structured this essay in the way you did, but the sections cause it to read more like an outline than an organized and flowing essay. The essay needs to follow the organization as presented in our course instructions. The organization of this does not follow the instructions provided. The thesis statement should be presented as the final sentence of the introduction section. More importantly, the thesis should present your position and a clear list of claims that you plan to organize the essay around. The thesis presented here is essentially a summary and does not meet the requirements presented in instructions for thesis statements. It should not be sectioned off at the top of the essay. (See Modules > Week 5 and 6). I had a difficult time assessing this, because it reads more like mini-essays on each section rather than a connective discussion surrounding a clear thesis. You do have good ideas, and you do present good research. However, the organization of the essay does not meet the requirements for academic research.
Additional information about ths essay:
Modules > Week 5: Composing the Research Essay and Thesis Statements: Instructor Video on Research Essay, Refining Thesis Statements, Formatting Quotes
https://youtu.be/jOhzk2w7LsM – Instructor Video on Research Essay
https://youtu.be/CRuF63htCtY – Refining Thesis Statements
https://youtu.be/uWWbNcnkAS8 – Formatting Quotes
Modules > Week 6: Drafting the Research Essay: Instructor Video on Drafting, Essay Structure, Formatting Works Cited > Writing Strong Body Paragraphs > Rhetorical Moves and Active Verbs
https://youtu.be/YbQBPhUSF0E – Instructor Video on Drafting
https://youtu.be/Ww-yAKLfG1U – Instructor Video on Essay Structure
https://youtu.be/jYdii3PgP68 – Formatting the Works Cited Page
Modules > Week 7: Submit the Research Essay: Instructor Video, Academic Writing Checklist, Proofreading > Research Essay Requirements Checklist > Research Essay Rubric
https://youtu.be/PzXnCg7Q8xo – Instructor Video
https://youtu.be/VHc0KNY0yjQ – Academic Writing Checklist
https://youtu.be/2-cDFhJTHEY – Proofreading