For this week’s discussion post, watch the following scene from La La Land: https://youtu.be/gW0xteHHXrY. we’ll be discussing intrapersonal (i.e., psychological/cognitive) and relational conflict theories.
Respond to two of your classmates and address one of the questions asked within their initial post. Responses should be substantive and further the discussion by using examples, making comparisons, posing scenarios, providing additional resources, referencing a current event, challenging the initial author’s opinions, etc. Each response post should be at minimum 150 words. Fully develop the response with examples, comparisons, references to current events, media, etc.
Course Material: Cahn, D. D., & Abigail, R. A. (2014). Managing conflict through communication (5th edition). Pearson.
DQ1: “After watching the la la land argument scene, I noticed that this conflict arised, because the lady realized that the man was going to be going on tour for a long time, which meant that this would be for the long haul. The man turned around what she was saying into her saying that she didn’t think that the band would be successful, when really she was just upset that this meant they would have to have a long distance relationship for a long time. At the end, he ended up saying hurtful things to her and twisting around everything she was trying to say. The cognitive conflict theory was shown, because they both had different point of views and they were not properly communicating what they really felt and this made for the conflict to become worse. The man was taking everything she was saying as personal, while she was just thinking of what was best for him and how she realized she wouldn’t be able to see him as much if he was on tour for years. In interpersonal conflict “they have the perception that they seek incompatible goals or outcomes or they favor incompatible means to the same ends.” (Cahn & Abigail, 2013, #3) The couple is seeking incompatible goals due to the fact that the man is in a band/going on tour and the women is an actress and needs rehearse. They both have desired outcomes for their futures which clearly weren’t aligning in this situation.
From this 6 minute clip, do you feel that the man wasn’t really understanding what the women truly felt and why? “
DQ2: “In this scene of La La Land, it is clear that Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling are lovers that are having a huge disagreement/ argument about chasing their dreams and/or giving up on them. They both say things that are inappropriate and hurtful towards one another. I believe that the interpersonal/relational conflict theory that is depicted the most in this scene is relational dialectics. “Assumes that that people’s relationships are caught in an ongoing push and pull of contradictory tensions that must be continually negotiated.” I believe that this shows predicability vs. spontaneity. They are clearly comfortable with one another in the relationship, but at what cost? They both are just trying to follow their dreams, and their relationship is getting in the way. Gosling in the clip says to Stone, “I thought this is what you wanted me to do. What am I supposed to do? Go back to playing jingle bells.” They both are restricting each other from following their dreams. In interpersonal conflict one issue can be that “They have the perception that they seek in compatible goals or outcomes or they favor incompatible means to the same ends” (page 3). This quote from our book describes the situation between Gosling and Stone perfectly.
Out of the three most popular relational dialectics: autonomy vs. connection, openness vs. privacy, and predictability vs. spontaneity, which do you find yourself relation to the most in a relationship you have currently? “