Rewrite this essay better and using these corrections and feedback.
Building upon your examination of particular details, formulate a claim (thesis)
explaining what the passage reveals about characters or themes in the text. Ideally, your thesis will
interrelate two elements: a) a broad theme or point of emphasis in the passage and b) specific literary
details or patterns of details that help to convey that theme or emphasis.
You may choose to devote a paragraph to setting the context for the passage and briefly summarizing
it. However, the principal paragraphs of your essay should not paraphrase (restate) the passage;
instead, they should analyze passage details. Make certain that each of the principal paragraphs of
your essay includes a topic sentence that states a claim to be demonstrated in the body of that
paragraph.
explaining what the passage reveals about characters or themes in the text. Ideally, your thesis will
interrelate two elements: a) a broad theme or point of emphasis in the passage and b) specific literary
details or patterns of details that help to convey that theme or emphasis.
You may choose to devote a paragraph to setting the context for the passage and briefly summarizing
it. However, the principal paragraphs of your essay should not paraphrase (restate) the passage;
instead, they should analyze passage details. Make certain that each of the principal paragraphs of
your essay includes a topic sentence that states a claim to be demonstrated in the body of that
paragraph.
Passage from the Birthmark to annotate*******:
: For the following passage, you might consider details such as the
personification of Envy and Nature; the word choice “mimic,” “stealing,” “pulse,” “glimmering,” “stamps,”
“gripe,” “clutches,” “degrading,” “selecting” or “liability”; the alliterations “fatal flaw,” “sin, sorrow, decay,
and death,” or “soul or sense”; or the literary allusion “return to dust.” Or, you might consider other
details that you find striking or significant.
personification of Envy and Nature; the word choice “mimic,” “stealing,” “pulse,” “glimmering,” “stamps,”
“gripe,” “clutches,” “degrading,” “selecting” or “liability”; the alliterations “fatal flaw,” “sin, sorrow, decay,
and death,” or “soul or sense”; or the literary allusion “return to dust.” Or, you might consider other
details that you find striking or significant.
“Had she been less beautiful,—if Envy’s self could have found aught else to sneer at,—he might have
felt his affection heightened by the prettiness of this mimic hand, now vaguely portrayed, now lost, now
stealing forth again and glimmering to and fro with every pulse of emotion that throbbed within her
heart;
but seeing her otherwise so perfect, he found this one defect grow more and more intolerable with
every moment of their united lives.
felt his affection heightened by the prettiness of this mimic hand, now vaguely portrayed, now lost, now
stealing forth again and glimmering to and fro with every pulse of emotion that throbbed within her
heart;
but seeing her otherwise so perfect, he found this one defect grow more and more intolerable with
every moment of their united lives.
It was the fatal flaw of humanity which Nature, in one shape or another, stamps ineffaceably on all her
productions, either to imply that they are temporary and finite, or that their perfection must be wrought
by toil and pain.
The crimson hand expressed the ineludible gripe in which mortality clutches the highest and purest of
earthly mould, degrading them into kindred with the lowest, and even with the very brutes, like whom
their visible frames return to dust.
In this manner, selecting it as the symbol of his wife’s liability to sin, sorrow, decay, and death, Aylmer’s
sombre imagination was not long in rendering the birthmark a frightful object, causing him more trouble
and horror than ever Georgiana’s beauty, whether of soul or sense, had given him delight.”
by toil and pain.
The crimson hand expressed the ineludible gripe in which mortality clutches the highest and purest of
earthly mould, degrading them into kindred with the lowest, and even with the very brutes, like whom
their visible frames return to dust.
In this manner, selecting it as the symbol of his wife’s liability to sin, sorrow, decay, and death, Aylmer’s
sombre imagination was not long in rendering the birthmark a frightful object, causing him more trouble
and horror than ever Georgiana’s beauty, whether of soul or sense, had given him delight.”