This is a research paper that is supposed to have sources referenced throughout the paper with footnotes. One to two sentences for quotes. I have previously assigned this paper to be written and now it needs to be rewritten because my teacher gave back some pretty heavy and demanding feedback/changes. Her feedback is as follows: Hi Leila – thank you for sharing your paper with me. It is a fascinating look at the power of corporate imagery and media, both for good and for ill. Unfortunately, it also needs some work for the final draft to pass. I am highlighting the major edits below:
1)Restructure– your paper needs restructuring for your argument to make sense. I would like to see you rewrite the paper as follows:
Introduction (1 page)
Background on racism in advertising and media, including early rebranding (2-3 pages)
Analysis of studies on racism in media and its impact (2-3 pages)
Analysis of corporate responsibility to address racist logos and right past wrongs (2 pages)
Deeper analysis of the specific brands that have done rebranding post-George Floyd (Aunt Jemima, Uncle Ben, any others from that time) (2-3 pages)
Argument that corporations have a responsibility to do more
Conclusion
2)Redundancy– there areseveral spots where you say the same thing over and over. For example, on page 8 you talk about Uncle Ben’s rebranding as Ben’s original, but the you say it again on page 9, almost verbatim. This is a problem throughout the paper. Often I see this when students are rushed and don’t realize they are repeating themselves. When you restructure the paper as I asked, this problem will solve itself.
3)Depth –You reference studies but just in a single sentence. Tell me more about what they examined and what they found. In a perfect world, you would also tie them together. What links these studies? Deepen the analysis of each brand. You need more than simply saying the images were racist and they changed them. What was the history? What was the change? What was it good or bad? I am sure that you have this information, but you need to wrap it into the paper iteself
3)THREE FOOTNOTES PER PAGE – because you are cutting redundant passages, you may end up being OK. Right now you have 32 footnotes over 14 pages (I didn’t count the last page which is very short). This equals out to 2.28 per page, which is significantly off the requirement,
4)Additional Notes I left in the paper, (scanned and attached)
if you find any scholarly sources or any primary sources that can be used for this paper that are from good academic places like Jstor or google scholar you may add it if it seems fit. No AI can be used on this paper and no plagiarism. There has to be at least 3 footnotes per page. Please focus on going in depth on the sources that include research. My teacher has emphasized that I merely stated one sentence and did not go in enough depth about the research found so please deepen those parts. Please follow the exact structure my teacher gave under the header “restructure”. Attached is my teachers suggestions and notes on the original paper, as well as the quotes and sources that I have (feel free to add more if needed, not too many however, no more than 10 more. Primary sources would be great) . I received a 75%, and need a 100% this time because the final draft makes a significant part of my grade.
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