My assignment is about two global challenges (inequality and climate change). I wrote the essay but need to edit it and decrease the words to 2800 words, including the footnote (bibliography not count)
Specific Areas for Improvement:
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Structure and Flow:
- Transitions between sections: Some sections, such as from the historical context of inequality to the economic policies, could benefit from smoother transitions. Clearer connections between ideas would improve the readability and flow of your essay.
- Paragraph breaks: Some paragraphs are quite long, which may make it harder for readers to follow the argument. Try breaking them into smaller paragraphs with one main idea each.
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Grammar and Syntax:
- There are a few grammatical errors, such as missing articles (e.g., “The climate change increased…”) and inconsistent tense use. Proofreading your work or using a grammar checker will help smooth these out.
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Clarity in some sections:
- Some sentences are hard to follow due to complex phrasing. For example: “While some scholars and thinkers (Amartya Sen and John Rawls) argue that inequality is a fundamentally moral issue inequality is more than that.” Simplifying sentence structures can make your arguments more direct and understandable.
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Citation Consistency:
- While you include many citations, ensuring consistent formatting in the bibliography and throughout the essay would be beneficial. For instance, citations like “Rawls John” should be “John Rawls” to follow the correct style. Additionally, ensure punctuation (like commas and periods) follows the citation style rules.
-
Depth of Argument in Conclusion:
- The conclusion could expand a bit more on specific policy suggestions or implications of your findings. While you summarize the major points well, tying them back to specific recommendations would give the essay a stronger ending.
Structure and Flow:
- Transitions between sections: Some sections, such as from the historical context of inequality to the economic policies, could benefit from smoother transitions. Clearer connections between ideas would improve the readability and flow of your essay.
- Paragraph breaks: Some paragraphs are quite long, which may make it harder for readers to follow the argument. Try breaking them into smaller paragraphs with one main idea each.
Grammar and Syntax:
- There are a few grammatical errors, such as missing articles (e.g., “The climate change increased…”) and inconsistent tense use. Proofreading your work or using a grammar checker will help smooth these out.
Clarity in some sections:
- Some sentences are hard to follow due to complex phrasing. For example: “While some scholars and thinkers (Amartya Sen and John Rawls) argue that inequality is a fundamentally moral issue inequality is more than that.” Simplifying sentence structures can make your arguments more direct and understandable.
Citation Consistency:
- While you include many citations, ensuring consistent formatting in the bibliography and throughout the essay would be beneficial. For instance, citations like “Rawls John” should be “John Rawls” to follow the correct style. Additionally, ensure punctuation (like commas and periods) follows the citation style rules.
Depth of Argument in Conclusion:
- The conclusion could expand a bit more on specific policy suggestions or implications of your findings. While you summarize the major points well, tying them back to specific recommendations would give the essay a stronger ending.
By addressing these areas, your essay will become more polished and academically robust. Let me know if you’d like help revising specific sections!